Shadowed by glory...

I'm sitting here, I think possibly three weeks after moving into the place here in Wagga and I must say that it's not quite as bad as I thought. I quite like the place and although it's not as homey or as private as my place back at home, it's certainly adequate living for as long as I stay here.

The biggest problem at the moment is my constant negative psychological states, I guess I am just missing my own space and my friends at home. I have good company here, but I don't really have anywhere to retreat to when I really need it, and sometimes I really need it.

Another issue at the moment is a severe lack of cash. I got ripped off by a local net provider and it's costing me an absolute packet. I'm getting the money back because I was very quick to clear-up the transgression but the money will reach me almost a fortnight after I really needed it. As such for the next two weeks I am living off my room mate and that is the worst feeling of all. I hate taking money from people and I don't care how o.k with it people say they are, it just makes me feel worthless and guilty. As such, I am trying to limit everything as much as possible and I'll give him a healthy pay-out for his troubles as soon as I get my money back.

Everything about this year has been money, and for someone like me who really couldn't care otherwise about money in general, it;s been a really tough time. I just don't like having to deal with money and money related issues all the time. It's always so complicated and it seems like everyone is so hung up over thier money problems. I am starting to feel what thats like right now. It's a horrible constrictive feeling. I don't like it at all.

As far as class goes, I really need to get motivated. The year has started and I really need to get my head together because this is the last year I am allowing myself to stall. If I bugger things up again this year, it's all over. I'll go work in a check-out for the rest of my life, and save everyone the trouble.

Anyways, I am sure there is something more productive than introspection for me to be doing right about now, so I probably should be off. I'll be back on later to talk more about my personal issues, but right now, I am so hungry and I can't afford to eat.

"I feel it, I feel it more and more everyday. The life
you've given me, slipping away, carrying pieces of me with it. Left wondering if
my life has meant anything at all, or if it will mean anything more now
that you're gone. It won't..." -Anonymous

FallenPhoenix