Homebase is gone. I mean not in the typical sense of the word, but the house which I grew up in, the only house that I've ever really called Home no longer belongs to our family.
The most depressing reality in this situation was the fact that I only got twenty-four hours to say my goodbyes to a life time of memories, and trust me when I tell you that that was way too far away from not enough.
I'm going to share some of the memories of my childhood and teenage years with you in slideshow form, just to give meaning to what would otherwise be meaningless words.
This is homebase, with the sign which says that it is being sold for auction. The tree that is just off left of the shot has a lot of memories for me. I was always a little bitter that my backyard never had any trees in it, and was kinda attached to this one. When I was waiting for friends parents or visitors to come and pick me up, I'd wait under that tree, rain, hail or shine, summer, winter or some other combination that Leeton could throw at us.
The front yard was never big for me, save that I had to wash the car there a lot, and always on the days that sucked the most. My grandfather would always make me do it on the days where the sun was touching the ground and the cement had turn to hellspawned lava, and Nan always had a talent for having cold water on days when the air had frozen and there was no possible way to wash the car and still stay dry.
Remember my thirteenth birthday party Jassi. That started an era. My grandmother had just put down new carpet and we went and put wax all through it. You freaked the shit out of Jarrod that night, and I've never had more fun with stiff.... sticks. I believe it was a blue bottle with a spirit in it which caused the commotion that night.
Some of my fondest memories of this house come from here. I remember sitting in the leather lounge chair in the middle of winter curled up in my doona watching some wrestling pay per view with Bubba curled up at my feet like a good cat.... dog... >> Whatever, he owned me.
I remember having to try to explain to my grandmother why there was a tremendous dint in the television after Jess and Jarrod played chasies in my living room.
I remember Jezabel finally overthrowing the Tyranny of Seralina in one of my most amazing roleplaying masterpieces of all time.
The back veranda was what made my house interesting. I remember thinking for the longest time that I would move out to this room when I was old enough. Yeah, cause that would have been heaps private.
This room was always so busy in the house. Here, I learned how to first play a Nintendo, back in 1993. I nearly returned my most precious pet the night I bought him home because we sat him under the pool table and he cried for almost the entire night. I learned how to play Warhammer out here, and had countless birthday lunches on the pool table which we later sold.
As we moved the pool table out to Carters, I practiced my martial arts out here, and had some heart wrenching conversations on the phone. This was truly the busiest room in our house. The multi-purpose arena and my den until I moved downstairs.
My baby bedroom. This was my bedroom for most of my primary school life. This nightmare period of my life was spent constantly seeking my grandparents approval and battling clinical depression. Two very dark periods in my life happened in this room, and I can still feel dark energy and negativity within these walls.
My very first computer got set up here, and all the board games for which I was so famous when I actually got friends were kept in the cupboards in this room. We only just got rid of all of them recently, with my grandmother giving them to Bayden Hulme across the street, as a way of connecting he and his mother. This is exactly what those games did for me and my grandmother, so it seems very fitting.
As I made the move from St. Josephs to St. Francis, so to did I make the move from the smallest room in the house to the next up. I have so many memories in this room that they are hard to list. I'll try.
I remember being introduced to the wonders of the internet in 1997, during the very brief trip to Leeton that my mother made back then. It was her who introduced me to the net, and I'll have to thank her for that the next time I see her.
My life changed in this room on so many occasions. I remember fighting through the end of my junior high school life and struggling every night not to hate myself for the trouble I caused at that school.
I remember Jessica putting her ass through my computer table, and then my bed just messing around and then being able to blame it on me because my grandfather had a soft spot for her.
I remember being safe in this space, despite the turmoil going on around me, and I remember that it was here that I pulled my sinking mind out of the fire and really set it to work. A great deal of the intellect I am afforded today comes from the darkest periods of my life.
Year 11 came around and as James got married and moved to Canberra, an opportunity arose. I asked for the flat at the start of my preliminary HSC, and my grandparents spent a great deal of money making this place livable for me.
It was down in this room that I found out that my grandfather had cancer.
I remember the first night I ever stayed downstairs. I was barely 17, and scared out of my mind. Something was making the most horrendous noises just outside my window and I can remember only falling asleep that night with the thought that I was going to die and at least they'd do it in my sleep.
That possum and I had many conversations over the next 6 years, and every person without fail who ever spent a single night under my roof ended up asking about it.
Subsequently, the flat became my space. From the onset of the HSC to the present day, it has been the one place I have considered a sanctuary from anyone. I could be myself in this space like no other, and I feel it's loss most profoundly. I went through two serious relationships within these walls, and will have memories of the time spent in the flat for the rest of my life.
I remember playing Warhammer on the floor of the kitchen, for lack of anywhere better to play. It sucked, but we had games there, and that was that.
I remember Taco completing his twenty temple challenge in my kitchen, much to his and everyone else's surprise.
I remember the pink light.
I remember the sun rising on me the day after graduation with my grandmother yelling at me from outside my room to get up. I remember extricating myself from my sheets thinking I knew what a hangover was and trying to work out what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
I remember singing for the first time in front of someone on purpose for my university audition, and I remember surprising them and myself.
I remember light and warmth.
I remember an evil stove trying desperately to kill Ned and I one night in the bitter cold.
I vaguely remember something about Nutella.
The best years of my life played out in these walls, and I cried bitterly that one night I was home alone to reflect on it all.
In a little corner of the back wall, I have written:
"I once was here, I now am not. May these walls serve you as they have me".
Despite what you may think, I was more of an outside kid in my childhood than many of you realise. For many years I trained very avidly on that trampoline, and only when disaster struck did I scale back my interest in it. Still, this backyard has some amazing memories for me as well.
Jessica and I used to come out here of a summer evening and do our homework and quest. The legacy of Titania, and the game which I will one day share with the world was forged on lazy summer days with my cousin in this yard. I remember telling Jessica in this yard the day my world fell to pieces in 2000, and I remember her gently telling me I deserved it, which I agreed to.
I remember ten fantastic birthdays thrown for me by my grandparents with all the people they could muster. I was surrounded with people as a kid, whether to mask the idea that I made friends slowly or not, I won't ever know, but it was with good reason.
I remember my grandfathers funeral feeling so surreal in this yard. I was so numb but Jarrod, Jess and Ned bought some colour back into the world that day. It rained so hard that day, one year into the drought we still languor in, and it was freezing.
I remember the UWF, Sailor Sun, and saving the world in my mind one hundred times over. My imagination grew out of the phantasms of this place, and I hope they linger for years to come to inspire the new inhabitants of this place.
The view from my trampoline of an evening. This was the place that I would collapse after an hour or two of jumping and just stare at the stars, the clouds or the sky, depending on the time of day.
My grandmother used to panic seeing me out here all silent and alone, especially wearing just my usual inside clothes in the middle of winter, but it was my chance to be alone and think right through from the day I first got the trampoline to the day I started working at BP.
The night I went home, I took the chance to marvel at the sight of the sky from my back yard, a sight I'll never see again.
Almost every day without fail, I would lie here after jumping and just think. It was that time that kept me sane, I honestly believe that.
T. B. C. A. P. U.
I wish it was.
The sun has set on the cradle of my mind and my life. I am rapidly approaching the end of what can be considered the best years of our lives and I find myself wondering if I'll ever really have a homebase again.
It's hard to tell at this point.
46 Currawang Ave, I will miss you.
I feel like one of the few anchors left in my life is gone, and when my grandmother finally succumbs to old age, my only tie to my hometown will vanish for ever.
"Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together."
-Eugene Ionesco
FallenPhoenix
