For the past two weeks I have been without any semblance of money at all due to an accounting error from one of the biggest phone networks in australia. They withdrew almost $300 from my bak account in err and despite my almost desperate attempts to retrieve my money, the refund request has yet to be processed. This is a real letdown. I need money so desperately right now. Other than uni, I have been cooped up in this house, I have had no money for almost a fortnight now and although I am payed again on Friday of this week, I wont be seeing the vast majority of the money because 90% of my pay will be going to pay outstanding bills, people I borrowed money from during these last two weeks, and my family.
So I am broke again, this is really crippling, there is nothing I can do about it but for the first time in my life I am actually worried about money. It is stressing me out, and if you knew how hard that was to do, you'd be as worried as I am. I don't fold easily, and I am really worried right now because I wanted to start this year out on top financially, but so far all I have achieved are two dishonour fees from my bank for overwithdrawing money (Optus and then a charity compnay I forgot I was signed into). I feel so powerless and I can't even run home for support because it's too expensive.
My flatmate has been a great help to me financially over the last two weeks, but through no fault of his own our relationship has become very parent/child due to the fact that I am monetarily dependant on him. There is nothing that can be done about it, and as usual I can't even speak up, because I am too afraid to voice any actual legitimate feelings to anyone, because so many times that I've done this I've been shot down and hurt. I feel like now it's safer if I don't discuss any feelings with anyone and just keep on functioning if there is a problem or something I don't like because I am more often than not just plainly wrong with all my assumptions, feelings and beleifs. I am just stupid sometimes, because I speak my mind when it's wrong. I'm so often wrong.
It's getting harder and harder to get up of a morning, and my only motivation lives an hour and a half towards a direction that I can't afford to go. What happens when I run out of will-power. What happens then? Do I just give up? Where do I turn when there is no-one left who I can trust to talk to? Is there room left in this world for a FallenPhoenix unable to rise?
Who answers these questions? Who'll read them? Who cares?
"I feel so bad, and I must say to you...sorry...but...Nobody's perfect. Nobody's
perfect. What did you expect? I'm doing my best." -Madonna
FallenPhoenix
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