This campaign is unlike any other concept I've ever explored in an RPG before, the original idea coming off an RPG game of little consequence and then being tailored to fit what I like about the D&D game mechanics. Best yet, I had to do absolutely no tweaking of the normal D&D game mechanics to get the concept to work, which is something I am not really used to. The concept is very different, and my two little guinea pigs are going to be thrown into something very very different from the average party play that is D&D, but I always like doing something different and it's worth the workload a million times over if it works, so we'll throw ourselves in headfirst and see how it goes.
My sleep patterns are kinda annoying though, I have a lot to do this weekend, and it;s nearly 7am here at the moment, the turn of the hour will mark the 12th hour I've been awake, but I've decided right here and now that I'll be staying up until this evening, because I need to right my bio clock. I'll be ok, I know it, but it might alarm Nells a bit. We'll see.
Lol... random fact, I just looked at my hands and you can tell that I've been working with multiple pens and that I'm right handed, because my hand is mottled with a thousand different pen marks of three different colours. Dunno why I put that in, but it seemed appropriate.
God... looking back on where my journal has come from, so much has changed. Nell and I have been discussing public forum vs. private journal over the last few days and I must say that in part I agree with her and in part I still dispute her. I know that there are things I cannot write in here anymore because of the people who read it, but at the same time, the people who do read this journal get a unique insight into the way that I think, plus it gives ya'll something to do on those evenings where there really isn't anything else. God, aren't I the nicest person.
I've gone from being a piney loser gaping at Ned, to a piney loser in a relationship with Taco, to a piney loser crying over a failing relationship with Taco, to the sad lonely loser my Ancient History teacher predicted I'd become. Mr. T, your my hero.
Oddly enough, I don't feel like much of a loser, as much as I might like to think that I've gained nothing in the last few years, I've been through a lot. The one thing that defines me as a person is that I maintain that good or bad, a situation has to be learnt from. I try my very best to grow with every new day, and I feel like I've come a fair way in the process.
Since starting my journal, I've felt the sting of rejection, I've felt the warmth of waking up next to someone after a night where you were the only thing that mattered to them, I've felt the death of a family member, I've felt the amazing joy of gaining a life long friend, I've felt the cold sorrow of losing a lifelong friend, I've felt the disgust of seeing one of my ex's degrade into something I cannot call a friend anymore, I've felt friendships, close and not so close, transform in the evershifting limbo that is life, I've experianced the wedding of someone who sat in my living room on my 13th birthday as I chanted my first ever ritual to the great god and goddess, I've experianced an emotional gambit which can only be described as mixed, I've lived with six different people for a length of time, I've had the opportunity (and responsibility) of teaching a group of kids a skill they will take with them forever, I've made so many decision about what I want, where I am heading and what I want to be. Most importantly, as I write this, I know that this is a massive step for me. This paragraph, written on a laptop early on a Thursday morning, is a summary of my achievements and experiances over the last three years.
By the gods...
I've been alive for twenty one years, and thats only three years of the experiances that I've had. I've come so far in three years. I can remember being 18 and sitting in my flat thinking that I would never live to see twenty five, but Luke's accident, as well as some silken persuasion from two of my nearest and dearest (and Jassi, dude, your one of them...) has allowed me to see that I have achieved so so much over this time and it aint over yet. I got me so much more to do, so come hell or high water, I'm gonna keep my head up, watching for the horison I know is coming.
Hell, I know I'm not the easiest person. I'm not optimistic and I'm not the type that is going to change thier life because of this little realisation, but this is the main use for a forum such as this. For all of you who may lose faith in me sometimes, take heart, something you've been telling me all along, I've known all along.
Have faith folks, I do.
"You choose to go voluntarily into the fire. The blaze might well destroy you. But if you survive, every blow of the hammer will serve to shape your being. Every drop of water wrung from you will temper and strengthen your soul."
-Margaret Weis, Soulforge
FallenPhoenix
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