Regardless, there is a really interesting post in it, which is basically a personality test, it's a really great "Map to Steve" here it is.
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Who am I? Steven
Where am I? Sitting in my room at Charles Sturt University, Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia.
What am I doing? Filling out a character bio for my blog on ehmanpenn.com
What is my name? Steven Wayne James (last name omitted for privacy reasons)
How old am I? Nineteen Years and Eleven Months
Where was I born? Canterbury Hospital, Sydney, Australia
Where do I live? Between University in Wagga and my home in Leeton, N.S.W
What are my social, financial and political circumstances and beliefs?
Social : I feel that it is important for everyone to interact socially. I feel that while a enriching and unique social life is important it is not the be all and end of all life. I feel that there are many more important things. With that said, I rely on my friends with insane frequency. I love being around the few people I call my friends and couldn't live without them.
Financial: Ahem... Well, I am very, very, very, free with my money. I believe money is there to use and that it is nowhere near as important as the other aspects of life. I really dislike people who are too wrapped up in money, definitely at my age. Monetarily, I am always broke. I make enough money to survive (albeit barely) but I spend way too much most of the time as well... *sigh*
Political: Meh! I really don't have any political standpoint. It really doesn't worry me. I know it's bad but I consider voting in an election a necessary evil.
If I were an animal, what would I be? Probably a dog, I love a dog's life.
If I were an element (earth, air, fire, water) what would I be? Fire. I am deeply spiritual, and my astrological element is fire. I believe that I am a prime example of this element, with the power to create or destroy but not the control to choose.
What are my physical characteristics? I am tall but surprisingly agile for my height. I have massive legs (from many years spent on an Olympic trampoline) and a underbuilt upper body. As such I am not exactly proportioned and I am way too lazy to get off my butt and do anything about it. I am not fat but I sure as hell aint skinny. I feel that I am maintaining an optimal weight at the present time.
What are my likes and dislikes?
Likes: Fire, fantasy, Food, performing arts, music, warmth, strength of character, soul-jarring conversations with someone you really trust.
Dislikes: Being pushed around, close-minded people, winter, being hungry, shallowness, deceit.
What opinion do you hold dear? I am my own person and there aint no-one on this earth that has the power to change who I am but myself. I will be who I am forever and that's a fact.
What do I do to achieve this? I often speak my mind at inappropriate times and am a free spirit with the majority of my actions. I take constructive criticism about myself but will not follow a crowd or fashion if I don't like it, regardless of the social and ethical costs.
What do I do each day? I get up and I go to uni (when I have class). I generally wake up tired because I always go to bed way too late. I never have enough money for any meal other than breakfast so I always go to breakfast and that's usually my only meal for the day. After class, I'll come home, do some writing and generally get some sleep, I find I sleep a lot nowadays...
What are my hobbies? Hmmm, I always did like computer games but during uni time I am either doing university work or sleeping. It's sad really but there usually isn't time for anything else.
What am I wearing? Why? Ok, at the moment, I am wearing a red t-shirt with a Nike symbol on it and blue trackpants, somewhat of an atypical selection for summer, and now that I think about it, it's really quite hot in here. I am wearing the red because it's still my favourite colour, even though my more fashion conscious friends have been trying to beat it out of me and the trackpants was because it's the only dark thing I have in my current wardrobe that wasn't up in the house.
What is in my pockets? Why? At the moment, nothing, but usually I have my wallet, my mobile phone and a set of keys which alternate depending on my location. The wallet is there because it is a force of habit to take it with me everywhere I go in case I need money or I.D. I've currently got $20 Australian in it. My mobile phone is my lifeline to friends. I have it with me all the time. It is always on and I can always be reached, no matter where I am. This is in case of any emergency that people are going through. I want to be able to know straight away. The keys are either a single key with a red tag when I am at uni, or my set of 4 silver keys on a dog-chain when I am home. At the moment... My home set is currently in my uni room... How annoying.
What are two extreme points of my personality? I have a tendency to be very open about my secrets. There are very few things about me... None that I can think of off the top of my head... That absolutely no-one knows. On the other hand, I will often lie about questions that target me in a fear of being in the spotlight for too long. I like it when people cannot see the real me... It makes me feel more safe.
What is my life objective? To lead a happy, fulfilling and prosperous life with someone who cares about me and whom I care about.
What is my status/relationship to other people? Depending on the person, I feel that I get along well with almost all different types of people. With this said, I can be somewhat prejudiced against those who belong to a group of people I dislike, an example being your general "footy fat-head" (my personal term for self-absorbed jocks). I cannot see past a person who belongs to that group and get to know the real them because I believe we are on polar opposites and are incompatible as friends or even acquaintances. As much as I would love to be proven wrong, I never have been...
What are the three most important events that have occurred in my life? To me the most important thing that ever happened to me was the disintergration of a group of friends who I had been friends with all through junior high. I got kicked out of the group because someone suspected I was gay (ironically I was) and it was through this break down of my friendship group that I was able to fully experience life alone through school. It taught me a lot of things and I finally settled down into a new group of friends who actually respected me for who I was (not that they knew any of the rumours were true yet) and in this group were both Ned and Tam. They are still my closest friends.
The second most important event to happen in my life was slightly before the first, in the meeting of Jarrod. Jarrod was a member of the aforementioned friendship group but he and I had been friends since primary school and he gave me a lot more benefit of the doubt. He and I still remained friends after the whole incident and to this day we still hang out. He is 100% straight (which I cannot deny being disappointed about) and although he is just coming out of a messy relationship with Jess, my closest cousin and someone I treat as my little sister, he and I remain close.
The third and final most important thing that has happened to my life was getting the internet. It has educated me beyond measure and has allowed me to meet some truly unique and inspiring people. I will mention a few names, purely because I feel that certain people have touched me beyond that that even my real life friends have. First and most importantly, Mark. A friend of mine from the states that I couldn't have gotten through some of the toughest moments of my life without. We have been friends for the better part of three years now and he is like an older brother to me. I'll love him forever and he knows it. Sherena, a nice young girl from Canada whom I met through one of the various websites I signed up for. She is a legend in her own right and like all of us she has many little issues floating around in her head. Sherena helped me to no end when I was first here at university because she gave me some crucial advice when I needed it most. And finally Maxx, Sherena's boyfriend. He and I have been at odds a few times recently but he is a real champion, a nice guy and again, has many issues. I have to say that of all the people listed here I feel the most connection to him because of several similar instances we have encountered.
The most beautiful part of my body is... my face. I am not saying I am incredibly good looking, or even at all good looking, shit in my eyes I aint, but my face is my tool for explaining things to other people. I convey my feelings, my issues and my life through my face and I feel that it is the most beautiful part of me because if it.
Happiness to me is... the freedom to do what you think is right free of societies or even other peoples beliefs.
The thing I most want to do before I die is... say that I have loved someone and that they have returned it. It might be a small thing but in my books, that's real and important to me.
The most embarrassed I ever was... was probably when I was very little. I don't get embarrassed easily, because I've been acting all my life and due to my perpetual cynicism, I am one tough cookie. Talk about your 30ft stone walls.
The ugliest part of my body is... Probably my hair. While it looks ok at the moment and I am looking after it far more than I used to, it is still artificially straightened, black and strawlike... How annoying...
The thing I like best about myself... is my ability to rise to my feet regardless of the crisis at hand. There has not been a single situation in my life where I have not known exactly what to do. Granted sometimes took longer than others but I have moved though everything as I got it, without stopping. I feel that's a real life skill and something a lot of people need to develop. (not to say there aren't a billion different things I have to develop). This is the main reason for my handle: Phoenix.
Pain to me is... the unbearable loneliness that creeps into your soul at 3am some idle Tuesday morning and regardless of how hard you try to shake it claws away at your very being until there is nothing left but a desicated husk void of all emotion and spirit.
My mother/grandmother/female caretaker or w/e... Taught me... the true meaning of respect. My grandmother is a beautiful woman and respect to her is a very important thing. As such I prioritise it highly as well and that is something I will always thank her for.
The thing I regret most is... the four years of my life I wasted wishing that I was somebody else. In all seriousness, I realise now that that was the biggest waste of time possible. It was unavoidable at the time but I regret that I didn't have the strength of mind, the presence of character and the power of will to break out of it and accept who I was a lot sooner. If I had have, my teenage years could have been a lot better.
The most secret thing about me is... my ability to manipulate people, both mentally and emotionally. This was another tough question and sad to say I could only come up with a negative answer. Very few people know when I play them mentally or emotionally. I have always used my natural born intellect to control situations to my liking and people have never really noticed it. This is a great shame because I could use my intelligence for so many other purposes... But what can you do, we are who we are.
I can hear my father/grandfather/ male caretakers voice speaking through my own when I say... Thankyou! This was an insanely difficult one. My grandfather is a many of very few words but the words he says he means. As such, I almost never say thankyou an a lot of people think I am being rude by omitting it in my every day speech. This is not my intention, I only ever say Thankyou when I mean it. This goes for a lot of other things as well... The important things in life don't need to be said over and over until they are done to death, they need to be said every so often and meant!
Love to me is... when two people accept each other into thier lives without fear of persecution. Each person maintains thier individuality but the strength of the bond between the two are strong enough to challenge all else. Love is when two people trust and respect each other explicitly and without question. Love is beautiful. Love is... Love... I guess...
The thing I am most proud of is... that my friends all seem to be progressing into a period where they no longer need me as a guide. For so many years I helped them with deep seeded issues and it looks as though I have completely out-lived my usefulness. I am so proud of all of them for learning from thier mistakes and not making new ones. Well Done Guys!! Now if only I could work that well on myself...
Every time I don't get what I want I tell myself... Meh! What can you do. We do not control every aspect of our fates. There are times when little we do matters because the end result is decided by someone else. It is times like these where you have to sit back, sigh, and continue on with your life. Dwelling on things we cannot change does much more harm than good. As I told a friend of mine just yesterday, "... Hatred is such a negative emotion... And it achieves nothing... I'd rather continue a positive relationship with someone than a wilily negative one... that's a strong belief of mine"
If you could hear the music in me... you would more likely than not be totally fascinated by the depth of the music. At times you would cry, at times you would laugh. And such is the emotional rollercoaster of my life. I long to share the music of my being with someone someday... but as yet that someone has eluded me.
I want my epitaph to be... (for those who don't know what an epitaph is, it's what will be written on your gravestone) "If the only way we can be together is in my dreams, then I'll sleep forever".
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Ok that's the end of my little personality profile. I am kinda hungry right now and the house is still out-of-bounds because it's only 5am and my grandmother would kill me if she knew I was up. I'm gonna leave a link for anyone who wants to visit my old Blog, as well as to another site. Both have stories that have shaped my opinion on love for the rest of my life. Ehmann, Ty, I love you both.
The Blog Site is: www.ehmanpenn.com/pmnew/sully.php
And the other site is: www.stormnation.com
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.FallenPhoenix
-Robert
Fulghum
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