hunTing fOr answers in a woRld of paiN

Today has not been the best of days... actually, today has been one of the longest, most stressful and hardest days in quite a while. For the first time in a long time I am so tired I can barely think, barely create, barely breathe. It's been a day where every force in the world is working against you to force you further and further into a hole.

I am working myself... the punches just keep on rolling... fuck I hate people who say they are going to commit to something and just fail to pull through at a time when you might actually need them. Ned just called to tell me that he isn't coming in this weekend, for the second weekend in a row... look... I am no neo-nazi... quite the opposite... but if you say your gonna be somewhere, you do it, or at least you come up with a better excuse than "I can't be there". Fuck... I am so sick of people who give me thier word only to expect to get out of it by saying, "oh sorry, I can't now"...

Anyway, as I was saying, I am working myself into a hole right now to get things all prepared for this workshop this weekend. It's a horrific drain on my already limited resources but I am putting in a lot of effort for these kids and it already seems to me like my enthusiasm is not being met equally... there is nothing I can do about that for sure, but at the very least, they could not have signed up for it at all, rather tahn leading me on with all this "yes, I am interested, yes I care" bullshit, before fucking me over AFTER all the work is already done... fucking hell..

Yes... bad mood... I'll get over it... always do... I'm gonna leave with another angry quote for the evening... I'll be back tommorow with more...

"You take everything I say with a grain of salt. Expecting every word I
say to be worth a pile of shit. Never believe a word I say, because I have a
cheerful disposition. Then why the fuck would I speak at all? I won't. Not to
have my heartfelt speech fall, not on deaf ears, but on ears that are closed to
me specifically. Who taught you this? Who taught you this? Fuck you
too!"
-Anonymous

FallenPhoenix