Flames from the Ashes: Healing Light

Ok... first time ever that blurty ate my bloody post. How irritating. Well, it was longish, but I want to get it on paper, so lets go to the ultra-fun task of re-writing it.

I started today out thinking that it was going to be one of the worst days of my life, reading the post before this one moments ago made me realise exactly how much pain I was in last night. I thought my entire world was crumbling before me. Today turned out to be a reinforcement of the things that I have achieved over the last few years. I feel now that Tam really didn't give me the benefiet of the doubt. I know where I stand, I did nothing wrong and it is her that created the distance between the two of us. Ultimately, if she believes I have done this act, then perhaps we have already drifted too far apart.

Today started with a workshop with a presentation due which I had been dreading. After last nights little debacle, I was completely unprepared, I was tired, emotional and I felt like shit. I got into the room and Jane tells me that I am going third and I almost burst into tears. Little did I know, but apparently this didn't go unnoticed. I got up to do my presentation, and as Jane was getting my marking sheet ready, noneother than Shelly jumped at me with some bitchy sarcastic comment which made me laugh so hard that I instantly felt better. I think she knew what she was doing to, because after that, my presentation was absolute wildfire. I actually felt better for the rest of the day thanks to that. Humour is a big comfort to me.

Straight after class I called Nell, another great comfort for me. She was worried, I could here it in her voice, but she perked up immediately when she heard I was doing better. She even gave me an awesome task to do while I was waiting for the bus. For all of you who don't know, this is particle man ---> . <--- Anyways, so after that awesome little sidetrack, I called Jassi and we organised lunch. I got back into town and spent the afternoon with the Roomie. Spending time with Jassi today made me realise something. Yes, ok, he did hurt me back at school, but I am really truly over that. Tam is not being fair when she judges him for the things he did at school. He has changed so much over the course of the last three years, through experiances and people which have seen him grow into an intelligent and critical young man who I am proud to call one of my closest friends. People change. She isn't being fair on him, and it makes me sad, and a little angry. So after spending the afternoon with Jassi, I went back to class and had what now feels like one of the most positive and enjoyable classes I have had in the longest time. I feel like I belong with this group of people now. Shelly and I are now getting on, and because I was so tired, I was actually able to lay back and relax for a change, and showed a lot of myself to the class. I'm making friends, I have a few people I talk to now and the world is feeling like it has so much support. Ultimately, I have learned today that although I am deeply saddened by what I feel is the loss of a friend, I have some of the strongest, most caring and interesting people in my life and they all know who I am and what I stand for. If Tam cannot see that I adore my friends and would willing give my life for each and every one of them, then perhaps she and I have drifted far too far to ever come back. I hate the fact that it's true, but I don't wanna go through the rest of my life feeling like I've done something wrong. I know I haven't, and if she does not, then so be it... I'll be ok, I know that now. I have some of the best people by my side, and I'll be fine. From the Ashes, I'll spring anew, and this time, I'll be harder than ever to keep down.

"Pat dogs, smile at children, eat like a king, live like a rock star, honour your mother and wipe every slate clean as you dream at night" - Banjo Pattersons Mother, Adapted by Shelly Little.

Fallen Phoenix