A Friend in Need, a Friend Indeed: The End of an Era

Ned, Ned, Ned... Dude, sometimes I am so lucky to have you, if anyone knows what it takes to break down my walls gently enough not to break me in the process, it would be you. Ned and I had a very serious D&M last night, and while a whole heap of old issues cropped up that I wasn't entirely ready to deal with again, I feel like right now, I have someone whose gonna support me through anything and everything I do from now until the end of time, and thats a really really satisfying, as well as a safe and comforting feeling.

There is so much more that I wish I could write down right now, but to be honest, I need time to format everything in my head. I got a chance to write in Ned's little black book this morning, but my grandmother was being nosy and irritating once again. She caught me coming back from my walk at 5am yesterday morning and nearly had a fit, so she's overly suspicious at the moment.

Right now, I want something to numb the brain, I think I'm hurting at the moment, and I want to desperately escape into something that requires minimal brain power.

A quiz should do nicely, tho doubtlessly, it'll be somewhat darker than usual.

[1] First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Griffiths
[2] Last word you said: ya...
[3] Last song you sang: "This is How it Goes" - Missy Higgin's
[4] Last person you hugged: Ned
[5] Last thing you laughed at: Some inane joke Justine told, she's a lovely girl, just not overly bright...
[6] Last time you said I don’t fucking remember: I don't fucking remember... (how original -_-)
[7] Last time you cried: Last Night... there were reasons and there were reasons...

[[[PRESENT] ] ]
[8] What's in your CD player: I actually don't own one, so I couldn't say...
[9] What color socks are you wearing: White... always white...
[10] What's under your bed: Random crap and clothes in Wagga, a blanket and some random crap and clothes in Leeton...
[11] What time did you wake up today: I haven't been to bed yet... reasons and reasons -_-
[12] Current taste: Cold KFC chips... not the most fabulous after taste
[13] Current hair: Black... I wanna do something with it...
[14] Current clothes: Sorta an off blue-green tinted long-sleeve tee, jeans, my fav joggers...
[15] Current annoyance: Getting my bloody emotions back in the fucking box they have labelled for them... they are being difficult and I'm gonna start kicking ass and taking names soon...
[16] Current longing: Answers and Closure...
[17] Current desktop picture: Black alien power man...
[18] Current worry: The aforementioned emotions, as well as my friends worrying about me, I'll be ok guys, really... it's just a phase.
[19] Current hate: Hate is a strong word, and I don't think there is much in this world that I hate. Inequality and injustice....
[20] Current favorite article of clothing: My blue joggers *cough* overused *cough cough*
[21] Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: Hair, I'm a hair guy... long hair, short hair, as long as it's nice and the girly wearing it likes it, then we all win.
[22] Last CD that you listened to: "For You" - Casey Donovan
[23] Favorite place to be: Edoras (god I miss her), my backyard at night...
[24] Least favorite place: Cities...
[25] Time you wake up in the morning: I'm not a morning person... late...
[26] If you could play an instrument, what would it be: An acoustic guitar would be a dream come true, if I had one wish, that would be a serious consideration for one of them.
[27] Favorite color: A warm crimson red is lovely, but I am finding a growing attraction with certain types of blues, also mixes between the two, royal purple and the like...
[28] Do you believe in an afterlife: I believe that there is much in this world we cannot explain, life after death is an oxymoron, but an existance after death, now there is a possibility.
[29] How tall are you? Too tall, 6'4"
[30] Current favorite word/saying: "Whatever..."
[31] Favorite book: "Polgara the Sorceress" - David Eddings
[32] Favorite season: Summer, though the crux when it moves from summer to autumn is my favourite part of the year.
[33] One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to? Myself... I was desperately in need of someone who knew what they were talking about at age 12, and I could help myself to grow up with less issues about trusting people if I could see myself again.
[34] Favorite day: Saturday, when uni ends and I can go back home and pretend I have a social life... :P Nah, thats not fair, I just love my friends so much...

[[[FUTURE] ] ]
[35] Where do you want to go: Eventually, I wanna say I've been to half of the countries in the world. On a teachers pay, thats impossible, so without being greedy, I'd have to say I'd love to see Europe.
[36] What is your career going to be like: Mediocre. I'll try my best, and maybe one day my heart will be in it. *shakes head* thats such a stupid statement, do I care enough to say my heart will be in anything... I don't know any more... we'll see...
[37] How many kids do you want: kids... little me's... at least two if I ever have any, the only child thing isn't all it's cracked up to be, siblings look out for each other, and having that in a family is one step forward for the child from birth.
[38] What kind of car will you have: Something old and shitty, that works when it wants to, and sticks it's radiator up at me when it doesn't.

[[[HAVE YOU EVER...] ] ]
[39]Said "I love you" and meant it: Only once...
[40]Gotten in a fight w/your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: No, Bubba and I were always on good terms...
[41]Been to New York? Not yet...
[42]Been to Florida?: Stupid Americans...
[43]San Diego, Cali?: Oh for christs sake...
[44]Hawaii?: ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *goes ballistic and nukes the creator of this bloody quiz*
[45]Mexico?: *twitch*
[46]China? Not yet...
[47]Canada? Jassi has, lucky beggar
[48]Danced naked?: My singing starts in the shower, and I usually dance when I sing, so yeah, many times...
[49]Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Premonitions are more Jessica's thing, and my dreams are usually warnings of foreboding and despair...
[50]Wanted to be the opposite sex: Hmmm... hard question. I've wanted to understand them better, and to have thier instinctual, gut level perceptions, but not really no.
[51]Had an imaginary friend? No, not in the traditional sense. I think I'm borderline schizophrenic tho...

[[[RANDOM] ] ]
[52]Do you have a crush on someone? Yeah I do, but at the moment, I think I'm the last thing they need...
[53]What book are you reading now?: The NSW English Stage 4-5 Syllabus.
[54]Worst feeling in the world: Finding out that you've just poured your heart out to someone, and they either simply do not care, or do not have the capacity to care...
[55]What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning? Ugh, how irritating...
[56]How many rings before you answer? 1, if someone calls, I'm there. My phone is always just in reach. I so rarely get calls tho, so it's not exactly important...
[57]Future daughter's name: As much as this will probably convuse people, probably Kathryn.
[58]Future son's name: Kyler... what is it with the letter K.
[59]Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Never have, it wasn't the done thing in high society.
[60]If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? Software Design, or Concept design for a major computer games company. *no chance music*
[61]Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: Depends on the task, but as far as writing goes, right hand or bust...
[62]Wish you were here: I wish I were home right now... more than anything in the world.
[63]College plans: *laughs* Ever tried to pick up one of those poppies, the ones that make the little floaty white things, without making any of them detatch, thats kinda what my uni life is like.
[64]Piercing: *laughs* I'd never be able to speak to my family again, Aaron got his eyebrow done at boarding school last year and he is still being called a drug-snorting dissapointment even now.

[[[THE EXTRA STUFF] ] ]
[65]Do you do drugs? No.
[66]Do you drink: No.
[67]Who are your best friends? Ned, Nell, Jassi. Thats pretty much it nowadays.
[68]What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use? Pantene Pro-V. Jassi sez if you use the same shampoo and conditioner for a while it stops working on your hair... so I'll have to change soon.
[69]What are you most scared of? Losing my mind.
[70]What clothes do you sleep in? Usually just boxer shorts, tho often more and sometimes less.
[71]Who is the last person that called you? Chris -_- but the last person that called me and mattered was Ned, a couple of nights ago. Nell would if she could. Oh wait, Jassi called me last night, shit the vacuum cleaner... SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!
[72]Where do you want to get married? Marriage, god... it seems so blurry and so ultimately distant. Somewhere outside, definately in either spring or autumn.
[73]If you could change anything about yourself what would that be? I'd redo my psyche, I'm such a fucking nutcase.
[74]Who do you really hate? Myself sometimes.
[75]Favorite number: 9
[76]Been In Love? Love... yeah... tough word. Have I been, I'm fairly sure.
[77]Are You Timely or Always Late: I'm either early or I don't show...
[78]Do You Have a Job: Stupid fucking centrelink and thier fucking issues...
[79]Do You Like Being Around People: I love being around certain people, but a lot of the time, I'm left alone, and that makes me rely on me, which is not entirely a bad thing.
[81]Are you for world peace: I'm for it, but I'm a realist also...
[82]Are you a health freak: Ah-hahahahahahahahahaha-hahaha-hahaha-hahahaha-ha... no!
[83]Do you have A "Type" Of Person you always go after: god no, totally irrational.
[84]Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now: I don't know *tears at hair*
[85]Are You Lonely Right Now: Like I'm the only person for 300k's, even tho my roomie is making noises not 5 feet from me.
[86]Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: Whatever will be will be... if it's right it will happen. So no.
[87]Do You Want To Get Married: I dont know at this stage, read above response.
[88]Do You Want Kids: I'd like kids, but I realise that may not be possible.

[[[IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...] ] ]
[89]cried: Yes I have, unusual for me? not so much recently.. :(
[90]Bought something: Ummm... yeah... duh!
[91]Gotten Sick: No, tho I may well have with my little 3 hour walk this morning...
[92]Sang: Probably once...
[93]Said I Love you: Yes
[94]Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: Yes
[95]Met Someone New: Not so much no...
[96]Talked To someone: I'm not that much of a hermit
[97]Had A Serious Talk: Yeah, with Ned
[98]Missed Someone: Yeah, I have, and yeah I do.
[99]Hugged Someone: Yup, it's been a while since I've really meant a hug, and it's a wonderful feeling.
[100]Kissed Someone: No.

So thats the end of my quiz, I don't feel too much more enlightened, I feel the need to talk some things out with some people, maybe actually accept some help. For now, my bed is looking really good, but the roomie has his music up loud enough for me to hear the lyrics, and I'll betcha he can't even guess what music I am playing right now. I need answers, I wish they were easier to find.

"You mean sanity. You mean safety. In a way, you also mean escape." - Anonymous

FallenPhoenix