Thoughts from the Grave: Understanding Relationships

Interesting title choice for this week, and explained all in due time. Due however to a promise I made my vampiress early on in our friendship, I have a survey to fill out before I do any real reflection. Plus it makes all you guys and gals who read this have to listen to random shit about me, and if you don't care, why are you reading my blog. Nell's Vital Facts: Full Name: Steven Nickname: Steve Birthday: 25th of November, 1984 Birthplace: Canterbury Hospital, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia Childhood Home: My family home in Currawang Ave, Leeton. Current Residence: See Above... Parents: Mum got preggers when she was 16, had me to a random who stuck with her for about a year before buggering off. Apparently, there was no ill feeling between the two, but my mother told me that, and she's not the most credible creature out there, so I'll believe what I like. My current story is that he was a drug addict, I might change. Siblings: Two younger half brothers, Frank and Sam. *sigh* National Heritage: God, Mother was adopted so I haven't got the slightest bloody clue. Dad (from the one picture we have) looks kinda slimy, but ultimately caucasian. Hair: Puffy Black thick mess at the moment, I'm actually remembering the sensation of long hair and I'm getting back into it. I'm gonna have to do something with the thickness soon tho, because it's getting ridiculous. Eyes: Varies, Anywhere between Green and Blue, and the specks alternate between brown and gold. It very much depends on mood. Scar: I have one on my arm from where someone threw a rock at me in primary school, I have a scar on my forehead where I split it open trying to climb a slippery-dip, one on my foot which I split open playing in my backyard, and my newest permanent scar is the one on my chin where I broke my jaw ice-skating. Shoe Size: 14-15 at least. Pet: None anymore. Sports Teams: None at the moment... sport was never really my thing. Best Friend: Ned, tho Nell and Jassi rank up there. Nell and I have a list, we should use it more often. First Oversea's Trip: India for 99-00 Christmas Holidays. Possible College: I'm at Wagga's CSU Campus, so I'm not sure what I should write here. Oh Look I wrote something... Musical Influence: I am eclectic when it comes to my music. Go look it up guys... Instrument: Vocals all the way. I'm gumpy with everything else bar piano, which I have a rudimentary knowledge of, tho I was never graded. Worst Habit: Hmmm, my lack of organisation. I jusat can't get organise. I try, and then can't be bothered following myself up on it. That annoys me the most anyway... Future Goals: If I can say I'm happy with my job and my life in 10 years time, that'd rock. It's unlikely, but it'd rock my world and I'll work towards it. 2005 New Years Resolution: I don't do resolutions. No regrets policy. Charity: Anything for disadvantaged or abused children. Nothing makes me angrier than people who take advantage of thier power over younger people, and helping them to find better situations or to cope with the effects of a previous situation is something I would definately work for. Theater Roles: Hmmm, I loved my Occa Pizza Man, Frank. Beyond that, so much of my work was abstract or absurd, it makes it difficult to pick roles. Fabulous Faves Sports: I loved my soccer and my tennis, as well as my gymnastics. Unfortunately, all three play on your knees and are currently off my to-do list. Sports team: The Parramatta Eels, The Sydney Swans. Sports Player: Adam Schnieder... cause we went to school together. Electronic Gadget: My phone for sure. Uhh Eddy, can I Phone a Friend? Number: 9 School Subject: Drama, Ancient History, English Teacher: Mr Tsoukalidis, Ms. Drew, Mrs. Tsoukalidis. Breakfast Food: Bacon and Eggs. Steak. A good hearty meal to start the day is the right way to go. Pizza: BBQ chicken. Nell said it well. I'm a poet and I suck. :P:P Food: Spag Bol. MMMMMMmmmmm. Meal: Steak and Veggies will go down as one of my all time favourite dishes. Sodas: Coke. Drink: Gloria Jeans Irish Nut and Creme with Creme. Fruit: Fresh Granny Smith Apples. Ice Cream: Caramel Ice Cream, or Strawberry Ice Cream that you make yourself... mmmm. Candy: Nerds. Fast Food Resturant: I'm a Macca's Man. T.V show: At the moment, Aussie Idol 3. Movies: The Lord of the Rings Series, Radio Flyer. Actors: Robin Williams, Jaoquin Phoenix Actress: Meryl Streep, Helen Hunt, Drew Barringmore. Musical Artists: Casey Donovan, Kaya, Yanni. Animal: Dogs, Foxes, Llama's. Relaxation: Meditation, Writing, RPG's. Holiday: Anything near a beach. I love Christmas holidays. My christmas holidays last year were the most memorable yet. Style of clothes: Daggy... meh whatever.. Bumming-around clothes: I buy clothes to wear, I wear them whenever the whim strikes me. Is that an issue? Mode of Travel: I love walking, it clears the mind. But for long distance, road-trips are the go. Colgone: Fire and Ice is my personal favourite. Clothing Designers: Whatever... like I care. Clothing Store: *yawns* Watch: I haven't owned a watch in years. I have a phone. Boxers or Briefs: Boxers all the way, though as Ned and I have learned, never go trampolining in boxers. Shoes: Joggers, they are so multi-functional. Dream car: Cars are for people with licences, and I can't take a hint. Books: The Belgaraid Series of books by David and Leigh Eddings. Childhood Books: I used to read Readers Digests and Medical Journals when I was little. Cartoon Characters: Ultimately, Luna is still my favourite. Theme Park Ride: The big tower one at Dreamworld on the Goldcoast was for me the best. Video game Platform: PS2 or Compy... Newest Interest: Finding out how much my friends keep from me and why... Well I finnally finished that one, and yes Nell it did take forever. These last two weekends have been about redifining friendships for me. I have had to work out how I feel about the two people closest to me and where we fit in on the grand scale of things. I think where the three of us are in terms of relationships at the moment is a little blurry, but I can say without question that we are very very close as a group. Nell and I teeter on the edge of an interesting but dangerous precipice at the moment, she and I are either going to try a physical relationship or just remain close friends. At this stage, I think that the only thing that would change as far as our relationship would go is our physicality towards each other. To be perfectly honest, Nell knows most everything there is to know about me, and she is among my closest confidantes. I have given her my heart already and I feel like the only thing that would change would be the way we interact. I think that a healthy amount of caution needs to be taken into account here, as we could both end up losing each other if we botch this too badly. At the moment, Nell has the ball, I've already told her how I feel, and now, when the time is right, I will finally know how she feels. I'm a patient man, and I want her to know for sure that what she is doing is the right decision before she answers me. Ned and I have grown so close over the last few weeks, and we are begginning to blur the line between friends and family. Regardless of time, distance and sensibility, Ned will always remain a member of my family and my closest, dearest and most treasured friend. I consider him almost like a very close brother, someone I know will be there all the time, even if he doesn't agree. He and I are so comfortable around each other, we've been through more than most friends could ever say they have been and it's linked us in a way few will ever experiance. I am grateful that he is there for me, and I feel so lucky to be able to call him a friend. He worries me sick sometimes, and I wish I knew the answers to questions that he asks. All I can do is show him what I believe and hope that it makes a difference. For now, I will leave you all with a quote. I will return to this post a little later.

"There are so many pressures to make it big by the time you are thirty. Life and learning is an ongoing process. Success does not mean wealth, corporate occupation or physical beauty. Success is happiness within yourself. Inner Beauty. The brain listens for difference not similarity. Stimulation not boredom. To exist you must adapt or you will lose your sense of direction and find yourself in a living death." - Anonymous.

FallenPhoenix